Monthly Archives: December 2011

Santa’s Workshop

When you look at a child, don’t look only at their apparent innocence. They are as tricky and deceptive as the rest of us. Several years ago, I was thinking of what I would like for Christmas. I was just getting to the age where I didn’t really believe in Santa anymore and my mom did not like this new development. She wanted me, for just one more year, to believe in Santa. I decided that I was ok with helping her out, but at a cost. I wanted a brand new Nintendo 64 for Christmas, but obviously all of the stores in town were sold out. I told my mom that I was asking for one for Christmas from Santa, but she plead that Santa would have just as difficult of a time getting one in stores. This was my time to strike. “But mom… Santa has his own workshop where they make the toys, he doesn’t buy them…” Bingo. My mom spent weeks looking for this toy just to have me believe for one more year. Looking back, I feel remorse for taking advantage of my own mother like that, but exploitation was the name of the game when it came to toys back then. Toys were quite possibly the most important thing in my life at the time, so you can’t blame me for doing whatever it took to get my desired toy. But anyway, the moral of the story is that children are not all cute and innocent as much as they may try to sway you in that direction. They know how to get their way and they know that it works. Don’t be fooled.

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Filed under humor, Thoughts

International Spies

Now this is a question that has truly plagued me for years. How in the world do they recruit for international spy jobs? I cannot imagine that the government has a spy career fair where applicants meet with all the agencies in need of spies. That would be chaos! Every single person would be trying to make an entrance to boost their reputation: people dropping from the air vents, driving cars through the giant window in the room, coming in dressed as a janitor only to take the fake mustache off thus revealing their true identity… you see what I mean? They can be sneaky, but they lack originality. I would, however, love to witness that train wreck, even though you wouldn’t be able to hear anyone talk due to the enormous amounts of martinis being shaken and not stirred. Seriously it doesn’t make a damn difference so stop making up stupid reasons to make a special order. Anyway, I think I’ve come up with the answer to the original question posed earlier; how do they recruit for international spy jobs? Giant international hide-and-seek contest. Last man not found wins the job. It’s the only thing that makes any sense.

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Filed under humor, Jobs, Thoughts

Runners Low

Often, the term “runner’s high” gets thrown around in everyday conversation. I think these people that are experiencing this so called ‘good feeling’ from running are pulling shenanigans. Why in the hell would anybody feel good while running? Sure you may feel as if you were being healthy, but I think this feeling is a conjured up hoax that runners everywhere developed so that common folk would feel as if they were missing out on something great. I’m not buying it though.

What I’ve gathered from my running experience: first, my legs hurt and I begin to sweat profusely. I start breathing hard and my muscles tense up.  It’s uncomfortable and quite boring. Now maybe if I was chasing after a ball or running from a deranged homeless person with a knife and a crack addiction, it may bring a little intrigue to the task. But nothing short of a miracle will ever make me believe that ‘runners high’ actually exists. I truly believe that runners are simply claiming to have this feeling even though they feel like death on the inside. And you know what, I am perfectly okay with feeling like a lazy asshole sitting on my couch and watching TV. So in a sense, I have achieved true ‘runners high’ and I didn’t even leave the couch.

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Filed under Paradoxes

Welcome to Knuggets of Knowledge

Hello everyone, and welcome to the beginning of a profound new blog known as Knuggets of Knowledge.  We will be regularly posting any life lessons, stories, thoughts, or anything else we decide we would like to rant about on that particular day.  The general point of this blog is that we have been through a few life events, so we feel entitled to throw down life lessons and bits of wisdom that we assume we have gained.  Pretty much, this is like the beginning of any other blog you have ever read, yet we really mean it… and will (most likely) follow through with it.  Anyway, lets begin…

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