Monthly Archives: March 2012

Dreamcatchers

Why have dreamcatchers become popular? I highly doubt that their original function is currently being utilized by the majority of their owners. People probably don’t say, “Hey, I’m going to go do a dance outside and see if it rains. And then I will go to bed under my dreamcatcher and let it suck the bad dreams from my brain”. People just hang them anywhere now anyway, ignoring any possibility of using it for it’s inherent function. I saw one hanging on a rear view mirror in their car the other day. Are these people doing a lot of sleeping on the dashboard? “Jimmy, take the wheel. Daddy’s going to crawl up under the windshield here and get some shut eye”.

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One of those people…

 

Ughhh, we have all heard this term uttered in our lives before.  Usually, and hopefully, it is aimed at some loser of a person that we would never want to associate ourselves with anyways.  However, every once in a while, I end as “one of those people.”  It is not a badge that I wear proudly or try and shrug off either.  See, by being “one of those people,” we, as a person, already accept the shame and ridicule that goes along with it.  On the plus side, we are okay with it.  We know how to have those witty comebacks that spark a little debate or at the very least provoke a thought or two in the person challenging us.  Some of the times we just do not care at all about the outside world, because gosh dang it, we don’t want to be “one of those people” that constantly complains about “one of those people” types of people.  It’s like the deal that George Costanza had with the birds.  They get out of our way when we drive by and we look the other way when they crap on the statue. 

            Now, I will admit, that there are plenty of people out there that will never be one of those people.  We can call them sophisticated.  But for the most part, almost everyone one of us has a little “one of those people” sides to us.  Here are just a few of my special attributes that I am neither proud of nor ashamed of.

1.  I like to eat the free continental breakfast offered at the hotel I am not staying at

2.  I take a few extra napkins every time I eat fast food, just because I am too lazy to buy my own

3.  I complain when the vending machine eats my dollar, but run off as fast as possible when the machine accidentally drops 2 Snicker’s bars instead of the 1 that I paid for (I deserved it, right?)

4.  (Insert condiment name here) packets, yeah I stuff my pockets with those as well

5.  I refuse to use arm signals when I know that my blinker light is out (I don’t remember them anyways, thanks Driver’s Ed.)

6.  I keep my phone on Level 8 in church, and justify it by thinking, “Hey, what if it’s an emergency?”

7.  I give people angry glares when their phone goes off in church, “Really? Who would call you in an emergency?”

8.  Crop dusting…

9.  I take the last two mini-sandwiches on a platter, I assume more is coming

Those are just a few of my habits.  Please share yours!  So we can add to this list!

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The Let-Me-Play Syndrome

There’s always one in every group…  The person who cannot be left out of anything.  They were the children in grade school who always wanted to play with the toy that you had at the time, not the one that they greedily snatched for themselves at the beginning of play time.  Why is it that they feel the need to be included in something, good or bad?  A friend gets in trouble, but this person gets let off the hook for the same thing and they stand there going “What the hell?   Why didn’t I get in trouble?”  They start to get paranoid, wondering if the teacher didn’t think they were worth the effort of putting them in timeout, or if the teacher even noticed them at all.  It festers in their brain and this illness gets worse and worse as they grow older.  They want to be “in the loop” for everything.  “Oh, Bob was fired, huh?  Can you explain why he was notified before me?” ; “What are you guys talking about?  Why won’t you tell me?  Are you talking about me?” ; “What are you guys doing?  Oh, lighting your hair on fire and chewing on gravel?  I could do that, let me try”.  It’s pure insanity.  Well I am here to tell these people that there are plenty of things that are good to NOT be included in:  prejudice and bigotry, drug abuse, the fan base of Everybody Loves Raymond… You see, this is what happens when you try to be included in too many things: one idiot decides they like something, and then other people (victims of the let-me-play syndrome) want to be included and begin to say that they, too, “like” the same thing even if they truly think it is stupid.  you see, that’s when we end up with things like Nickleback.  Here’s a solution.  Make all of these ailing people listen to “Something in Your Mouth” set to repeat for a solid hour and guess what… they will be cured!

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Filed under humor, Thoughts