Monthly Archives: April 2012

A Born Schemer

Ever since I was just a young buck, scheming has been  my forte.  Even at as young as ten years old, I can remember thinking of new ways to make money.  See, I realized very early that I liked stuff (particularly electronics) a lot; I also made the connection that in order to get that stuff I would have to exchange money for it, so it made sense that I needed to find ways to make money.  As it turned out, I also was very lazy, so I had to think of ways to make money without taking too much of a physical or mental toll on myself; this is how scheming came into play.

When I was younger and Beanie-Babies were such a hot item to buy, I found a book that made an estimate of how much these little critters would be worth by the year 2008.  It was published, so obviously it had to be true.  According to the book, almost all of them would be worth $60 or more.  Currently selling at about $10 each, that’s a 600% profit in 10 years!  I couldn’t make that in the stock market.  I bought those damn fuzzy animals like they were going out of style.  Little did I know at the time that they actually were.  Now I’m stuck with a big case of them sitting in my bedroom back home.

Anyway, next up came football cards.  Fun to collect, yes; profitable, probably not.  I have boxes and boxes of those sitting around my house now too, and I haven’t profited a dime from them.  Sure I’ve sold one here an there, but at the time, that money generally went right back into more cards.  Yet another sunken cost.

Several collections and pyramid schemes later, I’m still always on the lookout for easy ways to make money even now.  Old habits die hard.  What’s next in the world of scheming?  Hmm, maybe I’ll start a blog…  That’s bound to take off and make millions!

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The Husky Shorts

Growing up, I went to a private Catholic grade school.  It was a great school, but they made each kid wear the same uniform.  Girls wore skirts while boys wore blue shorts, and everyone either wore a white or blue collared shirt.  I dreaded the day that my mom would take my siblings and I clothes shopping.  All my friends were at the same store vying for the best pair of shorts.  Well, I didn’t have to worry about any competition, I had to shop in the “Husky Section.”  Oh how embarrassing that was.  I knew I was a little chubby but I resented everything about that store referring to those clothes as “Husky.”  Why didn’t they just call them fat kid shorts?  They were not fooling anyone, especially me.  I knew that they were trying to call me fat, but those were the only shorts that fit, so I had to suck it up and wear them. 

My mom seemed to always downplay it by quietly asking the sales clerks where the husky section was.

“pssst, Miss, where is the (my mom looks around to make sure I am not paying attention, and usually I wasn’t because I think a Burger King was across the street, so I was paying attention to that) husky section” 

Those italics mean that she said it barely above a whisper, and by about the third year of this, she didn’t have to ask anymore and knew exactly where to go.  Of course, I hadn’t lost any weight and only kept getting larger but to this day I have vivid memories of the “Husky Section.”  And for that, I blame my weight problem on that store.  It is not because I love to eat and hate to work out, but the fact that I was labeled at such an early age and just accepted the fact that I would always be husky.

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Creative Chaos Award!

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Well, the day has finally come… Knuggets of Knowledge has been nominated for its first award.  This award is for those who think outside the norm.  First off, thank you to Anne Alias at Mark It Research for nominating us for this award.  Her blog about working at a call center is hilarious.  And there is bound to be a continuous supply of great stories and thoughts from the call center environment.  Anyway, here are the requirements for this prestigious award:

1.  You must tell 3 completely weird things about your habits.  If you claim to have no weird habits, you’re lying and we’ll have to send an investigative team for further analysis.

  • I have no weird habits.
  • I am a compulsive liar.
  • I will thwart any attempts at investigation into the first two.

2.  You must tell why you look at the “glass half full” scenario and ask “what? No coffee?”

  • I’m more of a soda man myself.

3.  Complete one the following essay questions:  A.  You find yourself in a desolate place when your car breaks down.  You have no cellphone service, no Walmart (I know, GASP, right?), and only a candy bar for food.  It is 150 miles to the closest town.  What color are your pants and why?  B.  You find yourself having to ride an elevator quite frequently.  How do you pass the time to show off your creativity?

  • A. Well, I would think there may be no need for pants at that point.

4. Then you are to nominate 5 random people.  And the nominees are…

  • dampsquid – Absolutely hilarious.  I particularly enjoy the letters to people / objects.
  • Army Of Awesome People – Just as it says in their name…Awesome.  All sorts of great posts to peruse through.
  • iliketheworldfuzzy – I came across this blog the other day and found it to be quite entertaining.
  • All that makes you… – Some very funny posts, and a very clever setup, separating out the posts into different sections for sad posts, funny posts, etc.
  • Krissy Krabtree – Very thought-provoking.  Reading through this blog can be very entertaining.

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Cinnamon Musk

Saturday nights as a child provided for some of the best and most horrific memories.  I knew the drill, Church, dinner, and possibly a trip to Target.  Normally we would eat at home during the week, but Saturdays were always special.  I couldn’t wait for Church to get over in those days, it seemed like it took forever!  I knew that as soon as I walked out those Church doors I would be well on my way to devouring some amazing meal (usually KFC).   Throughout dinner the mood was always positive and even the trips to Target were happy-go-lucky.  However, the real downside to this story begins on the drive home from the night out.  I grew anxious in the back seat of the car as I knew what was approaching.  It was deadly, it pained me, and it has created a lot of painful memories that I carry with me to this day.

There are only two words to describe the torture and agony that I went through (okay, not real torture, that would be terrible, but think using up the rest of the toilet paper and realizing the new roll is just out of reach, that weird squat walk over to retrieve it is the type of torture I’m talking about).  Those two words are Cinnamon Musk.

As soon as the car was parked, my dad would exit the vehicle and immediately step on a few frogs (think about it, haha get it now? Ehh maybe later it will become clearer).  I knew that only meant the beginning of the end for my night.  The David Copperfield special that was going to air would pale in comparison.  If only David could have been there to perform some black magic to help my family out.  So we enter the house, and my Dad begins the slow walk up the stairs to the master bedroom.  The next sound I hear is Click, the cap was off.  Next thing I knew he was spraying Cinnamon air freshener throughout the bedroom, bathroom, hallways, and even the staircase.  That is what I called the pre-emptive strike.

After that moment, there was nothing to do but wait.  Sometimes 10 minutes, maybe 30 if we were lucky (or unlucky due to the quality that can be produced in 30 minutes).  It was almost as if the whole house remained still until my Dad was finished up.  Next thing we knew he would come walking down stairs as if nothing had happened, no guilt, no shame, and sometimes laughter.  It was cruel and sick.  The first wave was always the easiest to spot, my Mom would utter those three words that only meant mass chaos, “O MY GOD.”  I knew it was over at that point, there was nothing any of us could do but sit and wait it out.  The smell lingered throughout the entire house, nobody could escape it.  It was a deadly poison that can only be described as Cinnamon Musk, a gruesome hybrid of cinnamon air freshener and crap.

Ever since those days as a child, I have vowed to never buy cinnamon air freshener.  I suggest you all do the same as well.

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