Lazy Fortunes

I think people used up Confucius’s good sayings far too early in the fortune cookie world. I’m not certain if the ones inside these little treats are from the days when he became old and senile or if he came back as a ghost at the fortune cookie factory and said “You know what, just write whatever the hell you want. You are butchering my ideas anyway.” Fortunes should begin with something like the following:
You will enjoy…
You will be…
You are going to…

I’m sick of having my fortune written by some half-witted chump who thought it would be profound to say:
Friends are good.
You enjoy fun.
Your parents love you.

Seriously? Maybe those aren’t direct quotes but you get the idea. Give me something to work with. I would rather have someone go all out and make some wild-ass guess about my life, like “You will be attacked by a pack of wooly mamoths in January of 2020” or even “You will choke on this fortune cookie. Make sure someone knows Heimlich maneuver” and have it be wrong than to get the most generic statements possible. That way, if it turned out to be right I would be like “HOLY CRAP!” I would do well as a fortune cookie writer.

UPDATE: I finally got a real fortune in my cookie! Accurate? I’ll let you decide…

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